Daddy's Girl

Today is a special kind of day. Special in the weird sense of the word. My dad passed away on this day 24 years ago. I was so young and not able to fully understand how this would affect me- affect my mom, my life. Every year around the same time, I think about how strange it was to go to bed knowing he was alive and then waking up to him being gone. I have the same memory just rehashed differently every time in my head. I didn't know my dad long, but what I do know is that I am a daddy's girl.

All the odd traits I get from my dad. Mama Smith has made that very clear. She insists that I am exactly like my dad in that I always see the good and never worry. I am the laughter in the house, the baker of cakes, the chocolate fanatic, the Easter egg decorator and hider, the clutter magnet and the queen of hugging- all of which I got from dad. It is great that there are albums of memories from when I was a kid that involved road tripping it with Mama and Papa Smith. The white Cutlas Supreme with red interior  that had the crazy luggage rack on the back. The pictures of us laughing at catching a fish with my goofy Sesame Street sweatshirt on and my dad wearing one of his many flannel plaid shirts ( which my mom incorporated into a quilt). The smiles that we all had that last year he was truly healthy. My favorite memory is one during the last few months he was sick and in bed a lot. He had such an active imagination, just like me and he was lying in bed with his feet up and his unforgettable white crew socks- the ones with colored stripes on the top- and he always had holes in the big toe area. His big toes would always be poking out and one day when I was with him he decided to put on a talking toe show just for me. I just remember us laughing and laughing and Mama Smith kept asking us why we were laughing so hard. It was our moment- my dad and I  had that moment where only we knew what was so funny.

I hold onto that memory and when I feel sad about missing out on the whole father-daughter experience, I think about how he is always with me- in every bad joke I tell, every "ha" in my laughter, every sock that has a hole in the toe ( since I obviously got my long toes from him) and the silly movie, "Muppets Take Manhatten". Every day he is with me and I never forget that-

Love you Daddy and I hope you finally got new socks.